life outside of the mall

is good. it's great. it's slow but goes fast, like sleeping in past 10 am. it's fast but creeps along, like sitting on a beach all afternoon. it's me on the road driving toward someone I love. Him. he's there and he's waiting for me to get there too. for me to catch up. "Quit your job tomorrow and come here this week."

I just finished Into the Wild. What interests me most is the physco-analysis of Chris McCandless. He has been turned into something he's not. Part of me hopes when he was dying in Alaska, he thought of his family. Thought of his family and was sorry for being so selfish. I appreciate his need to get out. I appreciate his want to disinfect himself of society. But the total withdrawl from his family gets me. His father was a cheat, a coward and a cheat. But he loved him. The author goes to great lengths to explain how complex relationships with fathers determine a child's life path. I agree. But Chris's father had love, a little too much love at times. But he loved.

Chris McCandless had to rewrite his life and himself as a person because he stopped trusting his father, and he stopped trusting himself as a person because he was raised by his father. The need to prove themselves. He died in 1992, but that need to prove himself is so alive and well in my generation.

the outside of the mall is filled with Chris McCandless and others like him. To proud to see self-improvement, to insecure to go home.

cheeseburgers

"If you want to talk about experience, look at George Bush. He doesn't even have experience in making a cheeseburger."

-My Baba, making it all relative.

the good news about the internet

"When the heart really wants something, all the universe will conspire with you."

Oh my dear CandaNce Myers. The internet is good for a few things. Random emails from friends is one of them. Candace is in Arizona. She is an amazing person. Full of life, knowledge and love. What's more is all of those things about her keep growing. She's like a watermelon seed, starting off minuature, only to grow, shape, gain. Amazing thing the process of watermelon growth.

When I'm bitter- just remind me.
When I'm angry- just remind me.
When I'm hungry-just remind me.
When I'm lonely- just remind me.
When I'm sad-just remind me.
When I'm neglectful- just remind me.
When I'm vengeful-just remind me.
When I'm grouchy-just remind me.
When I'm one-sided-just remind me.
When I'm narrow-just remind me.

Remind me of the luck I have. How my luck is real and not based on anything like luck. Remind me of the lessons I've learned, the lessons I've taught, the lessons I'll learn, the lessons I'll teach. Remind me that Candace is right...When the heart really wants something, all the universe will conspire with you.