Today is the anniversary of my one year in country. Thinking about it now, I can't decide if it went fast or slow. Some moments went unbelievably fast, while others seemed to have crept by at a snail's pace. I heard a volunteer talking about how time passes for volunteers and I think he pinned it perfectly, "the days go slow, but the months go fast." Is that even possible? Sure, because anything is possible in the Dominican Republic. And with that in mind, I think I'll just take a few minutes to reflect the changes I've seen within myself over the past year.
1)I feel uncomfortable standing for too long in social situations. - Yes, I am serious. Dominican culture insists that you sit. So no matter where I go, or what I'm doing, I am always offered a chair. If you go to someone's house and stand for too long, they start to look at you strangely, especially when they've already offered you a chair. And I would never dream about turning down a chair once it's been offered to me. I mean, come on, that's like social suicide.
2)I am more assertive yet more passive - All of us volunteers have discussed this- how since coming to this island we feel meaner. I can feel myself being more assertive and aggressive when I want something, I hear it in my voice and I see it in my actions. The things I do on this island to get my way would never in a million years be acceptable in the states. For example, when I walk into a colmado (or corner store), the first thing I do is edge myself right up front with whoever is waiting to be served, start yelling at the person behind the counter for what I want, and if necessary even banging my fist a little on the counter to rouse attention. It's not rude here, it's how it's done. I can't imagine myself going to a supermarket back home, walking straight to the cashier and saying in this language, "Give me 3 tomatoes, a bag of pasta, two cloves of garlic and a gatorade. Hurry." Without the slightest thought of a please or thank you, mind you. And this I have noticed, has transferred into my professional life. It's not that I want to be a mean and aggressive person, but when everyone else is communicating with each other in this way, you have to keep up.
Oppositely, I do feel more passive, because being here has been the most humbling experience of my life. Much of that came with not knowing Spanish or this culture, and when I first got to this country, especially to my site last May, even trying to buy a tomato from the colmado was extremely intimidating. I found myself (and still do) in situations I would never put myself in, because either I don't fully understand what is being asked of me, or I don't quite know the right way to say No. Sometimes I wish I could put a spell on my entire town so they could all speak and understand English for one day- then we could talk and they could really see that I do know what I'm talking about, that I am educated, that I do have experience, that I am passionate etc. In the meantime, I still am finding my inner Spanish voice. I know it's in there and everyday I can feel it slowly emerging.
3. Sharing is not a choice, but a way of life - I am continuously amazed at this culture and its people's ability to share. Today for example, Mari, a co-worker at my center, had a mint that she was willing to break in half for me if I wanted some. It doesn't matter how big or how small something is- there is no mine in the DR. This is a habit that is wearing off on me, and one I hope will continue after I leave here. What good is that candy bar, cookies, soda, gum, if you have to eat it all by yourself?
4. There is no place like America - I have always known this, but after living in a foreign country that is just that, foreign for a year, my old way of life never seems to lose its appeal. Being here and never really feeling like I fit in, makes me understand how immigrants in American can spend 30 years in the US and never learn English, and why in New York City, there is a Polish section, a Jewish section, a Greek section, a Dominican section. As people, we get comfortable and want to stick with what is comfortable, especially in uncomfortable situations. I'm proud of myself for being uncomfortable for a year. Proud of myself for putting myself out there, even if it means I will always be an outsider. But I'm also grateful, that in 14 months, I will be able to return to my home country, with my American values and ways.
5. Dang, it feels good to be a woman - I have always been proud to be a female and up to the challenges of it, and being here and seeing woman in a more "traditional" role- only helps to appreciate who I am and who I am not as a woman. Moreover, how lucky I am to be an American woman- where being 24 and unmarried doesn't make me a spinster. Further than that, I do have a new appreciation for Dominican woman and how hard they work for their home and their children. When I think of the word selfless, I think of my own mother and Silvia, the mom of the family that I eat lunch with everyday. Her whole life is consumed around her family, everything she does, literally everything, is for them. It is her lives work, and it is a beautiful and noble thing.
6. Family - I have always known how important family is and how you yourself can be defined by your family. Being here and being surround by other families that are not my own, but who have opened their doors, their hearts and their kitchen tables to me- has put a new perspective on my life. I have realized in my own life, if I can serve this world to do good and to make my family proud, than I have accomplished everything that is possible and important for me.
And so, what I would really like to say in this self-reflection blog entry, is thank you. Thank you to all my freaking coolest friends on the planet, Corinne, Remi and his family, everyone from church, all my aunts and uncles, my two amazing grandmothers, and especially my wonderful family - Mom, Baba, Jim, Mike, Meghan and everyone else who has supported me over this last year. Thank you for packages, your emails, your thoughts and prayers. It has not been an easy year, and it has been one filled with challenging and wonderful surprises. I am so grateful for all of you, and even though I only have this blog to say it- I love you all and can't wait for you to come visit!!!!!!
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2 comments:
OOHHHH Stacie. I am proud of you for sticking it out a year. I hear by the end of two years you are almost as comfortable in that culture as your own. I respect very much the sacrifices you are making in being uncomfortable to assist in a few causes you believe in. Reading your list made me go back on my own blog and journals to read similar list I had written. I remember feeling almost sheepish in my passionate announcements that family was the most important thing in the world, that sharing, personal space, and possessions were all a farce. It is not that these bits of wisdom are uncommonly known. It is that they are seared into your soul by experience. What a beautiful thing, I am so glad you share as much as you do. Loves-
Thank you for the post. I am always amazed how much the Peace Corps experience in the DR has not changed that much since I was there more than 20 years ago. The second year is much more fun and you finally start getting something done. I agree completely about the nobility of Dominican women I have been married to one for more than 20 years.
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